Treat others the way you want to be treated. The golden rule. The lesson we were taught from our very first years in school.
So, we were quick to learn that we have more people to think about besides ourselves, that our actions affect others, that getting respect often comes from giving respect.
We had a good basis to start forming relationships with others. To start making friends and opening doors for strangers.
But, what we were never formally taught and what unfortunately most learn later than we would like, is that the rule should also be followed in reverse; treat yourself the way others would want to be treated.
And more often than not, we are MUCH kinder, more accepting, and forgiving to others than we are to ourselves.
The expectations we set for ourselves are far more stringent and strict than those we set for others.
When a friend makes a mistake, we are quick to jump to “well hey you’re human and this will be a good learning lesson.”
But when we’re making the mistake, we overemphasize the fact that we messed up. We forget that we are flawed human beings, but instead insist that we have left this idealist, perfect version of ourselves down.
And we judge.
AS much as we like to judge others, we LOVE to judge ourselves.
“How could I have done that?”
“Why did I say that?”
It’s instinct. It’s our default setting. Our internal belief is that we should be better.
So, if anything, this highlights that we DO believe in ourselves and our potential. We get disappointed in ourselves because we expect that we can do more and we can do better.
Take this as proof that we are constantly striving to keep achieving more, to persist on a path of self improvement.
And we can use this proof as a pivoting point in our attitudes.
We can shift away from being unnecessarily harsh on ourselves to striving to be better in a much more productive way.
We don’t have to treat our mess up as a reason to lose confidence in our abilities, but raw evidence that we really care about what we are doing and how we’re doing it.
That we want to do well.
That we give a crap.
And from here, knowing that you’re making a deal of your mistake because you care, it's easier to start really abiding by the golden rule, reversed.
Comments