The power we give to our thoughts

It’s truly incredible how much a single thought can change our entire mood.

We’re sitting and enjoying a cup of coffee (or hot chocolate like me) in a coffee shop, and suddenly remember the other tasks left on our list, or, worse, recall vividly a time that we messed up whether it’s a test we failed or a fight we had with a friend.

In a matter of seconds, we can go from completely relaxed to actively upset, stressed, and distraught.

Our idea to spend the day at the coffee shop no longer seems as cute as we thought, our smile slowly fades, and we become laser-focused on the chain of thoughts erupting in our brains.

And I say a chain of thoughts because if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about negative thoughts, it is that they run together.

The opposites attract law of physics doesn’t apply here.

Each negative thought is like honey, attracting and sticking to more and more negative thoughts.

And it’s by treating these thoughts as factual and powerful or, at least not questioning them or their purpose, that that we allow our moods to mimic these thoughts.

Instead of taking a moment to step away from our noisy, crowded swarm of thoughts, we assume we should just live with it.

Once the thought pattern begins, there’s nothing we can do about it.

It was when I was a sophomore in college when I realized that this notion is actually very untrue; there is something we can do about it.

When confiding in my friends one day after class, she told me “you are not your thoughts.”

I’m not going to lie, at first I kept repeating this saying to myself wishing for a sense of comfort from it that never came. I even started repeating it to a couple of my other friends who were carried away with overthinking too, hoping that maybe they’d make more sense of it than I could.

Finally, when I was walking to class one day, feeling particularly anxious, I ran into a friend in the street who I waved at, and I instantly started to overthink.

“Was I being weird?’’ led to “maybe she could tell that I was off?” which eventually led to “can everyone tell I’m off?”

And, with my newly adapted crappy mood thanks to my chain of thoughts, I entered class. Sharing with my friend that I was not having the best day, she asked me why.

And, while trying to answer her question, it hit me.

Nothing actually happened.

It was all the power and credit I gave my thoughts that I let change how I viewed and lived my day.

You are not your thoughts; your thoughts don’t determine or control your mood.

In fact, oftentimes our thoughts are silly, irrational, and random. They aren’t always based on evidence, they don’t always care for being positive or happy, and they love to trick us into believing them.

While we can’t always control them, we can control how we let them affect our mood.

One extremely helpful tactic that I’ve used over the past few years is learning to label my thoughts.

For example, when I began to ask myself “was I being weird?”, instead of letting it lead to “maybe she could tell I was off?”, I could label my initial thought:“overthinking”, “irrational”, or “silly.”

By creating room between ourselves and our thoughts, we are better able to evaluate and notice when thoughts are or start to become illogical or obsessive.

Labeling our thoughts also allows us to detach ourselves from them.

Our mind can concoct the most outrageous or anxiety-triggering thoughts it wants, but we have the ability to limit the number of them.

At the very least, we have the ability to make these thoughts mean less to us.

It is important to remember that after labeling our thoughts, we should refrain from judging them.

Instead, just treat them like clouds passing above you in the sky; detached and temporary.

Eventually, they will pass, but getting angry at them or yourself for having them only gives them more power.

By practicing this routinely, you’ll find that you get less swept away by your thoughts.

You no longer feel that you just have to live with the fact that remembering a bad time will send you spiraling and stressed.

You label and, without judgement, let them go.

With time, you’ll be able to break the chain to a much shorter length and find it easier and easier to retain the attitude you really want.